As a therapist, I often hear questions like: "Is this person narcissistic?" or "How do I know if someone is a narcissist?" These questions are so common, and they usually come from a place of hurt, confusion, and a deep desire to understand a difficult relationship.

If you've ever wondered about narcissism—whether you've encountered it in a partner, friend, boss, or even in yourself—this article is here to help. We’ll walk you through what it means to be a narcissistic person, the different levels of narcissism, and how to cope when faced with narcissistic behaviour.

What is a narcissistic person? 

Let’s start with the basics. A narcissistic person is someone who consistently displays traits of self-importance, lacks empathy for others, and craves admiration. Now, we all have moments when we focus on ourselves—that’s human. But when these behaviours become a pattern and start harming relationships, that’s when we might use the term "narcissistic."

But here’s the thing—it’s a spectrum. Some people might display narcissistic traits occasionally (like seeking attention or struggling with criticism), while others have what’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a diagnosable mental health condition. So, when we ask "What is a narcissistic person?" we’re really talking about a range of behaviours.

Understanding narcissistic personality 

The personality of a narcissist often centers on a fragile sense of self. Underneath that confident exterior can be deep insecurity and fear of not being good enough. This is why criticism can feel unbearable for them—it hits right at that fragile core. Sometimes, their grandiosity or arrogance is really just a shield.

Common signs of narcissistic behaviour:

1. Excessive need for admiration: Constantly seeking validation, praise, or attention from others.
   
2. Sense of entitlement: Believing they deserve special treatment or privileges.
   
3. Lack of empathy: Struggling to recognize or care about other people’s feelings or perspectives.
   
4. Manipulative behaviour: Using charm, guilt, or gaslighting to control situations or people.
   
5. Arrogance or grandiosity: Inflating their achievements, often to cover underlying insecurities.
   
6. Difficulty handling criticism: Reacting with anger, defensiveness, or even shutting down completely.
   
7. Exploiting others: Using relationships primarily for personal gain.
   

These traits can show up differently depending on the person and the relationship. Some narcissists are obvious—they're loud, charming, the center of attention. Others are more subtle, playing the victim or acting fragile to get their needs met.

Traits that define a narcissistic personality:

• Superficial relationships: Often, narcissistic individuals struggle with deep, mutual connections.
  
• Jealousy and envy: They may be envious of others or believe others are envious of them.
  
• Idealization and devaluation: They might place someone on a pedestal early in a relationship, only to later tear them down.
  
• Fear of abandonment: Despite appearing self-sufficient, they may fear being rejected or alone.
  

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

It’s important to note that NPD is a formal mental health diagnosis, typically identified by a mental health professional, and these traits are within the criteria:  

• A grandiose sense of self-importance or excessive admiration
• Fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty
• A belief they are "special" and can only be understood by other special people
• A sense of entitlement
• Lack of empathy.
• Envy of others or belief that others envy them
• Arrogant behaviours or attitudes
  

For a diagnosis, these traits must be consistent over time and cause significant issues in relationships, work, or other areas of life.

H2: Impacts of Narcissism

Effects on relationships: If you’ve ever been close to someone with narcissistic traits, you probably know how draining it can feel. One minute you might feel adored, the next discarded. Narcissistic individuals often struggle with intimacy and mutual respect. Conversations can revolve around their needs and experiences, leaving you feeling unseen or invalidated.

Over time, this dynamic can erode your self-esteem. You might start doubting your feelings, wondering if you’re "too sensitive" or "too demanding." (Spoiler: you're not.)

For more on how narcissism and anxiety are intertwined, read Is Narcissism Actually Anxiety in Disguise?

Consequences in the workplace: Narcissistic behaviour can also show up at work. You might notice a colleague or boss who takes credit for others’ work, deflects blame, or manipulates situations for personal gain. While they may seem charming and capable on the surface, working closely with them can feel confusing or even toxic over time.

Strategies for coping with narcissistic individuals:

1. Set firm boundaries: Boundaries are crucial. Be clear about what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate.
   
2. Don’t take it personally: Remember, their behaviour is about them, not you. Their lack of empathy isn’t a reflection of your worth.
   
3. Manage expectations: It’s unlikely you’ll change them. Focus on protecting your emotional well-being instead.
   
4. Limit emotional engagement: Avoid getting pulled into power struggles or emotional debates.
   
5. Seek support: Whether it’s a friend, support group, or therapist, having someone to talk to can make a world of difference.
   
   

When to seek professional help

If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits, or if you’re struggling to heal from one, working with a therapist can be a powerful step. Therapy can help you:

• Rebuild self-esteem
• Learn healthy boundaries
• Process the emotional toll of these relationships
• Navigate decisions about staying or leaving

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.

Looking for support? Get help now with Wellnest. Our team of therapists, representing a wide variety of ethnicities and specialties, is here to support your journey.

For more on managing tricky dynamics, explore How to Manage Our Own Toxic Behaviours.

FAQs:

How can you tell if a person is narcissistic? Look for patterns of entitlement, lack of empathy, manipulative behaviors, and an excessive need for admiration. It’s the consistency of these traits that signals narcissism—not just a one-time event.

What are the five main habits of a narcissist?

There are five main habits of a narcissist, including seeking constant admiration, belittling or devaluing others, deflecting blame, manipulating situations for personal gain and reacting poorly to criticism.

What is the behaviour of a narcissistic person? Narcissistic behaviour can include arrogance, emotional manipulation, lack of empathy, and an ongoing need to be the center of attention.

Are narcissists often loners? Not always. Some narcissists are highly social, craving admiration from others. But beneath the surface, their relationships may be shallow or transactional.

Wherever you are in your journey, remember: understanding narcissism is a step toward protecting your peace and finding the support you need.